i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
