im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
