Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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