i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
