i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
