i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
