Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize