so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
