Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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