I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
