we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
