I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this just has baby written all over it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
