cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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