I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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