Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
