My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize