can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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