He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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