Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
