i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
