I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
