hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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