but the lizard people decide everything anyway
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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