I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize