how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
