I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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