i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
