Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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