you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
