How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We need a shit load of segways right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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