walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
