Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
