exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
