I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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