mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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