i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am one with the molecules
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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