dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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