i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
