I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
