Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
