I could make wine with my vomit
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
