even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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