Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
