When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
