she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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