Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
