i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sober January is a disaster.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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