please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
