It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
