I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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