Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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