I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wear drunk well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
