No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
