he told me I talked like a deaf person
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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