You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
