I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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