just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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