Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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