Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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