There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
