just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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