I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
