I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need to sanitize my soul.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
