i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize