Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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